It didn't happen over night, it sort of just over took me by surprise. I went to bed one night and while I was lying in the dark staring at the ceiling I realized I didn't know what to do. When our relationship first developed I couldn't stop talking to him. Everything felt so brisk and fresh as if I was back in Jr. High School with my sweetheart. I use to get that butterfly feeling in my stomach just waiting for the moment to enter into a conversation with him. Saturday nights I would just hang out and get to know all about him. We would sing, dance, and laugh out loud to the point that I thought the neighbors would call the police. When I hurt inside I would call him and he would listen to my pains and tell me that it would be ok, that he would take care of it. He was the sweetest man I have ever met.
I remember the time I invited him to move in and make my home his home. That was the greatest day of my life because I knew I would never go through those lonely bouts again. I had finally found the love I had been looking for. All my desires were fulfilled by him and I needed nothing that the others could offer because I was in love. I never looked at another because I promised him my fidelity. We weren't married but he said that soon he would marry me and invite everyone around to come and see the apple of his eye, the cream of his coffee, the color of his rainbow, the person he would just die for. He bragged to his family about me and even introduced me to his father. His father is just like him soft and loving but stern if he had to be. So went went wrong?
I started working overtime that I didn't leave much time for us to do what we once enjoyed doing. I found myself eating without him, even though I missed him I was to stressed to call him because I was to hungry to bother. Saturday nights I turned the TV on to watch the X-files be he didn't like that, something to do about his belief in God, so he left.
When I went to bed at night I found find him there waiting for my intimacy but I would whine about the long hours at work and fall asleep while he desperately tried to get my attention. Toward the end I was so much into myself & my work that I didn't even realize that he had moved out of the house. I would wake up at night and my love was not there. Maybe he left early to help a friend or he came in while I was sleeping. I never even made an attempt to jump start our relationship while before my eyes it just dissolved as sugar in a hot cup of coffee.
Now here I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling wondering if he will ever take me back. His friends shared with me he would because he still loves me. They told me that he's a jealous man and that he only wants my unconditional love. I know he is a gentleman and he won't come and beg me. I have to make that first step toward him. I know where he hangs out and it's no problem to get a hold of him but for some reason it's hard on me to go to him and tell him I was wrong. I have some pride you know. Right know I feel torn up inside because I know what I have to do but for some reason I put it off for another day. One day I will walk up to him and tell him I'm ready to make a commitment. I will put everything aside to tend to him. I will even look for another job that won't take up so much of my time as to spend it with him. Until then would you tell him to wait for me. You ask me His name? You don't know Him? Why everybody calls Him Jesus (Christ).
[Prayer is a terrible thing to waste]
"The lord is far from the wicked: But He heareth the prayer of the righteous"
Brother Gabriel Christian International Relief Org
PO BOX 260250 Web Site:
Hartford, CT. 06126 USA www.fishermansnet.com/ciro/index.htm
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